Sunday, January 2, 2011

The Cowgirls' Season Is Over

You know, it says a lot about the Dallas Cowboy's season that they beat their hated rivals, the Iggles, 14-13 in the season ending game, in Philly, and hardly anyone really cares.

This season was supposed to be Jerry Jones ascension to royalty. The 50th Anniversary season of the franchise. The second season in Jerry World. The first Super Bowl held in Dallas. Everything was set, and promoted as, the first time in NFL history that a team would be hosting a Super Bowl in its own stadium.

Oops ...

Not that anyone in the Cowboy's organization will ever seek me out for advice, but here are some tips for Jerry ... things he must address in the off season.

1) Head coach. Should be Jason Garrett, if all reports are correct. News organizations have been trying to pin him down on this decision since the day Wade Phillips was fired. Problem is, Jerry can't announce that decision, due to NFL rules. He MUST interview at least one qualified minority candidate for the head coaching position. If he comes out and announces Garrett has the job before said interview takes place, he'd be in for the biggest fine ever levied by the NFL.

Garrett is certainly the natural choice. He is touted as an offensive genius, very smart man. Well, he was a genius for the first couple of years he spent as an offensive coordinator. His last 21/2 years in that position have been, well, offensive. The offense has sucked for a couple of years. It is probably the most predictable one in the NFL. I could predict 75% of the plays being called before they ran - and if I can do that through a TV screen, imagine what the opposition could do in person. I don't think Garrett is God's gift to Cowboys fans in the coaching position - but I don't know of anyone else I'd prefer. Bill Couwer maybe ... but he's pretty much washed up.

2) Please forbid anone in the offensive team/coaching staff from calling 3rd down plays that do not get enough yardage for a first down even if the play works. I can't tell you how many times I saw a 2 yard 3rd down pass executed perfectly - except it was 3rd down and 5 to go. Absolutely stupid ...

3) Please teach your players that the other team are not their buddies. Tashard Choice's stupid example of asking for Mike Vick's autograph after a loss to the hated Iggles (on the field, on live national TV) was a gut wrenching slap in the face of anyone who has been a Cowboy fan for more than 2 years. I am sick and tired of seeing our players making buddy buddy with people they are supposed to be knocking on their asses. Saw it again in yesterday's Iggles game - members of the defensive secondary shaking hands and yacking with Iggles receivers during an Iggles drive that would decide the game. Disgusting. Offensive.

4) Fire the entire starting defensive secondary, except for Terrance Newman - and demote him to second string, where he would be a capable backup. The rest of them are completely useless.

5) Fire the entire offensive line, except for the center. They couldn't block a tackling dummy. Horrible performance all year.

6) Fire Marion Barber. Hurts to say that, I like the guy. But, he's injury prone, and has been an easy to bring down underachiever ever since he got his big contract. You've got 3 running backs - that don't work, get rid of the #24 baggage.

7) Fire Roy Williams. Very nice guy, and a consumate professional in public. But, a horrible underperformer, who constantly drops balls and just flat fails to make the big play. Way too big a contract for such small results.

8) Do something to make Tony Romo take his job seriously. Maybe he does inside, but watching him grin while losing is just irritating. Maybe settling down with a wife will get him in line. Like most everyone else given a fat contract, he pretty much sucked after getting it.

9) Fire Jerry Jones. Jerry, you are a great owner, and a poor GM. Hire a good football person to manage the team, please.

10) Find an accurate kicker. Your current one can boom the ball, and he's one of the best tacklers on the coverage team, but his accuracy is really not very good. It was a good idea using him to kick field goals and saving the roster spot, but it didn't turn out very well.

11) Don't volunteer to host anymore Super Bowls at Jerry World.

12) Miles Austin ... breakout year last year, sets all kinds of records, gets the huge contract, ends up porking a Kardashian ... and has a bad year. Must have set a record for dropped balls by a Cowboy receiver. Got his big contract, and started cruisin' ... Slap this man about the head and shoulders, and knock him out of his money induced funk!

13) You've got the 9th choice int he draft this year, courtesy of that wonderful record. Don't blow it. The Cowboys have a history of throwing away first round draft choices on long shots that end up rcut or riding the bench. You need a blue chip, can't miss defensive back or offensive lineman - go get him!

There's so much more, but I've used up my daily allotment of electrons.

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