Friday, April 16, 2010

Obama's New Combat Arms

I snuck a glimpse of two new, top secret weapons just being rolled out for our military under Obama's new policies. These were located at a top secret proving ground, where they will be shown to our enemies for their approval before being put into mass production.

First, the Obama FK-ME2008 Missile Defense Engagement Unit. This man-portable, state of the art technology based weapon will take the place of all current missile defense programs. It's main purpose is not to actually defend us against missile attack, but to convince Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea that we are far more concerned with not threatening them than we are our own safety. Once approved by Vlad Putin (Obama's good buddy), three of these will be built - one will be stationed in Poland, one will be placed in Turkey, and the third will be forced on Isreal. All other missile defense system components currently under development or already fielded will be given to Venezuela and Cuba for civilian purpose use by their peace loving peoples.

Let me point out two critical components of the FK-ME2008, as indicated by the high tech notations in the spy photo. Item A - state of the art workstation for the weapon's operator, contains all the latest gadgets used to operate drones. Item B - futuristic aiming device, which guarantees the weapon will be as accurate as the Commander in Chief desires. The weapon actually emits a low-wattage beam of pleasantly colored light (soft tones only), intended to put the adversary in a good mood.

Second, the Obama MF-UAV (Manned Force Urban Assault Vehicle). This massive vehicle, state of the art in Democrat Party design, is armed with a water cannon (low pressure, of course), air cushioned fender skirts (to avoid hurting anyone accidently bumped during operations), and high tech speaker systems which constantly feed John Tesh music to terrorists and pre-recorded messages from The One Himself ("Please, we just want to be friends", "Nuke us, we'll still love you", "Do you need any free taxpayer money?").

These weapons, and many more to come, are cornerstones of Obama's defense policy. No expense will be spared equipping our soldiers with the equipment they need to carry out His policies. The world will only know peace if we show our enemies that we are happy ... we are friendly ... we are unarmed ... we will not fight back if you hit us ... do anything you wish, we don't care ... we just want you to like us ...

Remember - these photos and this information is classified. If you are a male and leak it to any Fox News, Tea Party, or Republican operatives, you will be visited in the middle of the night by Barney Frank for interrogation. If you are female, you will be subjected to the same intense interrogation by Nancy Pelosi. You have been warned.

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