Way to Man Up, Cowgirls!

Rob Ryan, Defensive Coordinator of the Dallas Cowboys, stirred up a controvery this week. In response to the hated Philly Iggles signing some top rated players recently, Ryan (without specifically naming the Iggles) stated to the press that the Cowboys would beat the asses of the 'All Hype' team.

Everyone in the Cowboys organization, from the owner on down, have distanced themselves from that comment. Apparently in this new post lockout NFL, you are not actually allowed to say anything that might possibly be misinterpreted as a slight/insult/inflammatory comment towards any of your competitors.

Rob and his brother Rex (head coach of the Jets) are loud mouthed, opinionated, honest to a fault, in your face competitors. These twins are the sons of ex-coach Buddy Ryan, one of the most hated, reviled competitors the Cowboys ever faced. They are very much their father's sons. The things that make them hated if they are against you are what make you love them if they are on your side.

The Cowgirls need some attitude. They sucked last year, in large part because of a 'who gives a shit' cupcake attitude that started with their head coach. Now they've got someone with a proper 'football attitude', and they're acting as if he is a leper.

I want to see more of this. I want to see more of the attitudes from the glory days, where Cowboys hated Iggles, hated Redskins, hated Gignats. By God, this is supposed to be football, where you are trying to destroy the other team physically, and then score points to win. It is not supposed to be playing tea party, with pink tutus and pinkys extended while sitting across the table from your enemy.

Photo credit AP

A Perfect Jerry Jones Cowboy

Meet Dez Bryant. He is a professional football player, an up and coming star receiver drafted in the frist round last year by the Dallas Cowboys. He showed signs of brilliance in his rookie season, which was unfortunately marred by being injured a lot. I think he played less than half a season.

Dez was one of the premier receivers in the 2010 draft, but slipped down to where the Cowboys could get to him. You see, he had been suspended for his entire senior year at Oklahoma State University, because he lied to the NCAA about having contact with Deion Sanders during his junior year. There was apparently nothing wrong with the contact itself, Dez just lied about it because he'd get in trouble - and he did.

Anyway, he came to Dallas with high hopes, and pledges to run the straight and narrow.

Oops ... the wheels have fallen off.

A couple of weeks ago, Bryant got in trouble at a local upscale mall. He and some of his homies were hanging around. A couple of security guards asked him to pull his pants up or leave - you see, he was acting like a juvie gang member, with his pants down around his knees and ass hanging out. He got very vocal and belligerent, and was issued a citation and banned from the mall. Crap ensued, cries of racism from local black leaders, and poof - he is no longer banned, and the mall has to issue an apology.

As this played out, it came to light that Bryant is being sued by multiple people. The owners of a house he stayed in for a year at OSU sought $3500 for unpaid rent and damages in a suit filed in January of 2010. (That is in itself quite a statement - if he had been a normal student rather than football star, he would have been kicked out of the house after the first month of missed rent!)

Bryant allegedly bought $203,500 worth of jewelry during 2009, while at OSU, on credit against his future contract. He has allegedly not paid for it, and is being sued.

Bryant allegedly bought almost $600,000 worth of jewelry and sports tickets from someone else, also on credit against his future earnings, also not paid for, and also being sued for non-payment.

Sources with knowledge claim that Bryant was fined almost $100,000 for being late to multiple meetings in his first year with the Cowboys. He has been assigned a driver to get him from his home to the practice facility on time.

Bryant makes millions of dollars, most of it guaranteed, a year, for playing a game. From what I have read, he had a hard upbringing, but I really don't think that is an excuse for acting this way. If he wasn't a big football star, I bet these would be criminal theft complaints against him, not civil lawsuits just seeking payment.

Someone on the Cowboys better slap some sense into this guy, or he will end up being another lost cause. Someone in his family, or his friends, better shake him out of this, or he's going to be one big train wreck.

Just another overpaid, physically talented, brain dead idiot. He will end up like most NFL players in his category - broke and deadbeat after receiving millions of dollars and pissing it all away.

The Cowgirls' Season Is Over

You know, it says a lot about the Dallas Cowboy's season that they beat their hated rivals, the Iggles, 14-13 in the season ending game, in Philly, and hardly anyone really cares.

This season was supposed to be Jerry Jones ascension to royalty. The 50th Anniversary season of the franchise. The second season in Jerry World. The first Super Bowl held in Dallas. Everything was set, and promoted as, the first time in NFL history that a team would be hosting a Super Bowl in its own stadium.

Oops ...

Not that anyone in the Cowboy's organization will ever seek me out for advice, but here are some tips for Jerry ... things he must address in the off season.

1) Head coach. Should be Jason Garrett, if all reports are correct. News organizations have been trying to pin him down on this decision since the day Wade Phillips was fired. Problem is, Jerry can't announce that decision, due to NFL rules. He MUST interview at least one qualified minority candidate for the head coaching position. If he comes out and announces Garrett has the job before said interview takes place, he'd be in for the biggest fine ever levied by the NFL.

Garrett is certainly the natural choice. He is touted as an offensive genius, very smart man. Well, he was a genius for the first couple of years he spent as an offensive coordinator. His last 21/2 years in that position have been, well, offensive. The offense has sucked for a couple of years. It is probably the most predictable one in the NFL. I could predict 75% of the plays being called before they ran - and if I can do that through a TV screen, imagine what the opposition could do in person. I don't think Garrett is God's gift to Cowboys fans in the coaching position - but I don't know of anyone else I'd prefer. Bill Couwer maybe ... but he's pretty much washed up.

2) Please forbid anone in the offensive team/coaching staff from calling 3rd down plays that do not get enough yardage for a first down even if the play works. I can't tell you how many times I saw a 2 yard 3rd down pass executed perfectly - except it was 3rd down and 5 to go. Absolutely stupid ...

3) Please teach your players that the other team are not their buddies. Tashard Choice's stupid example of asking for Mike Vick's autograph after a loss to the hated Iggles (on the field, on live national TV) was a gut wrenching slap in the face of anyone who has been a Cowboy fan for more than 2 years. I am sick and tired of seeing our players making buddy buddy with people they are supposed to be knocking on their asses. Saw it again in yesterday's Iggles game - members of the defensive secondary shaking hands and yacking with Iggles receivers during an Iggles drive that would decide the game. Disgusting. Offensive.

4) Fire the entire starting defensive secondary, except for Terrance Newman - and demote him to second string, where he would be a capable backup. The rest of them are completely useless.

5) Fire the entire offensive line, except for the center. They couldn't block a tackling dummy. Horrible performance all year.

6) Fire Marion Barber. Hurts to say that, I like the guy. But, he's injury prone, and has been an easy to bring down underachiever ever since he got his big contract. You've got 3 running backs - that don't work, get rid of the #24 baggage.

7) Fire Roy Williams. Very nice guy, and a consumate professional in public. But, a horrible underperformer, who constantly drops balls and just flat fails to make the big play. Way too big a contract for such small results.

8) Do something to make Tony Romo take his job seriously. Maybe he does inside, but watching him grin while losing is just irritating. Maybe settling down with a wife will get him in line. Like most everyone else given a fat contract, he pretty much sucked after getting it.

9) Fire Jerry Jones. Jerry, you are a great owner, and a poor GM. Hire a good football person to manage the team, please.

10) Find an accurate kicker. Your current one can boom the ball, and he's one of the best tacklers on the coverage team, but his accuracy is really not very good. It was a good idea using him to kick field goals and saving the roster spot, but it didn't turn out very well.

11) Don't volunteer to host anymore Super Bowls at Jerry World.

12) Miles Austin ... breakout year last year, sets all kinds of records, gets the huge contract, ends up porking a Kardashian ... and has a bad year. Must have set a record for dropped balls by a Cowboy receiver. Got his big contract, and started cruisin' ... Slap this man about the head and shoulders, and knock him out of his money induced funk!

13) You've got the 9th choice int he draft this year, courtesy of that wonderful record. Don't blow it. The Cowboys have a history of throwing away first round draft choices on long shots that end up rcut or riding the bench. You need a blue chip, can't miss defensive back or offensive lineman - go get him!

There's so much more, but I've used up my daily allotment of electrons.

Dallas' Pro Sports - An Update

Well, we're in summer, and the Texas Rangers are doing very well and in first place in their division. I guess that means their inevitable annual implosiion after the All Star break will just have that much further to fall. It's nice to see them win. It sucks to know it won't last.

A judge has once again halted the sale of the Rangers. MLB, Bud Selig, Tom Hicks, and Nolan Ryan's ownership group are livid. Some of the creditors Hicks owes are doing anything they can to block the sale, to try to get he bidding reopened so that they can get more of what they are owed back. These A*holes have absolutely no interest in the team, Baseball, or its fans - it's just the all mighty dollar causing them to SUCK. There is some talk going around that Selig may fold the franchise, just to end this mess.

STARS! Say it ain't so, Mo! Mike Modano has told the press that he's 75/25 for coming back next season. The problem is, the Stars' management may not want him. Their youth movement may not have a slot open for an aging, though talented, forward. Mike has stated to some reporters that if he does decide to play this coming year, it will probably have to be with another team.

THIS IS A CATASTROPHE!

Mike Modano in another team's uniform is sacriledge - almost as bad as, well, Emmitt Smith going to the Cardinals for his last season. What a pile of dog puke that was ...

Stars management - don't you dare let this happen. If you can't put him on the ice, then give him a front office contract. Keep him a Star for life. If you don't, you SUCK.

Mike, don't sign with another team. Even if you can't play for the Stars, don't go elsewhere. You'll hate it, it will anger the hockey Gods, and you'll lose a lot of your incredible fan base here in DFW and in Minnesota. Don't do it ... PLEASE!!!!!

Dirk Nowitzki has chosen to buyout the last year of his contract and go into free agency this week. He is giving up a guaranteed 21.5 million this coming season to test the free agency market. Local concensus is he's trying to get Mark Cuban to give him a long term contract - if Cuban doesn't give him what he wants, there will be a lot of teams out there who will. Seeing Dirk in another team's uniform would be as bad as Modano.

Come on, guys! Pull your collective heads out of your butts.

Update - Well, the Stars stepped in it today (6/29). GM Joe Nieuwendyk (once a teammate of Modano's and a good friend to Mike - at least he was yesterday) announced publicly that the Stars will not offer Modano a contract for the upcoming season. So, If Mike wishes to play, he has to look for a new team. Joe did say that if Mike wanted, the Stars would find a place to fit Modano into the organization in a non-playing role. What a backhanded bullshit offer that is. If Joe was serious, he would have offered Mike a specific position prior to the announcement, to save Mike the embarrassment of having his team turn its back on him.

Mike is reportedly really pissed off about this - I don't blame him. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to sign up with a direct competitor with the Stars, just to try and get back at them - much like Emmitt did with the Cardinals. I really hope he doesn't - he needs to be a Star for life.

ATTENTION STARS MANAGEMENT - I will continue to be a fan of the team's but do not count on me showing up and spending any of my money to support you this upcoming season. You just do not do this to the most important player the franchise has ever had. Very poor decision, and very poorly handled.

The Greatest Dallas Cowboy Of All Time?

Perhaps ... in terms of a cult fan following and undrafted rookie jersey sales ....

The Dallas Cowboys signed an undrafted free agent tight end today. The player, who attended New Hampshire, had initially decided to go back to college to finish his degree and become a history teacher after he failed to get picked during the NFL draft. Cowboy officials stayed after him over the past couple of days, and finally convinced him to sign as one of 18 undrafted free agents the team will bring to camp.

The tight end had 22 touchdown catches during his collegiate career, and is 6'4", 250 pounds.

Now, even though he faces incredibly long odds against making the team, his ever lasting fame as a Cowboy is assured. Wearing an 80 series numbered jersey will be Scott Sicko.

Yes, there will be a Dallas Cowboys jersey with SICKO emblazoned across the back. How cool is that?

And to those who thinks he has no chance ... Drew Pearson and Tony Romo, both Dallas greats, were undrafted free agents .....

Update - Sicko impressed the coaches in his firts rookie mini-camp, showing natural ability and speed at the inside line backer position. The coaches are also toying with the idea of using him at fullback, which has pretty much been an empty hole since Darryl Johnston retired. He Sicko also showed good ability on long snap duties in the kicking game - so, his chances of making the team actually don't look too bad.

Free Reign is HEAVY METAL

Free Reign is a Heavy Metal band consisting of Dallas Cowboy linemen Leonard Davis (bass) Cory Proctor (drums), Marc Columbo (lead guitar and vocals), along with friend Justin Chapman. They had their first public performance last night at the Grenada Theater in Dallas, a 6 song set. This video is pretty crappy, but you can hear them.

I'm not a huge Heavy Metal fan, but I'm pretty sure that these guys aren't going to displace Metallica on top of the charts any time soon.

In any case, this truly is Heavy Metal - the four of them combined weigh more than 1200 pounds. I just can't believe that if Dallas Cowboys are involved, that they've not howling out Gangsta Rap.